The Red Sox are in the pennant race. G*d-F^ck1ng D@mmit! Do you know what this means? DO YOU!
It means that for the next month--or however long baseball goes on, see what a fan am I--everyone will be tired. They will be tired, and think that they are somehow Warriors of Fandom for their team. And the next day at work they will say, like a warrior fresh from battle, "I'm exhausted." And I will say, "Me, too. Why are you tired?" And they will give me incredulous/pitying/angry looks, and, although almost too fatigued, they will find the strength, somehow, to explain to me through their exasperation that The Game went late last night. And I will avoid asking which game, and restrain myself from explaining that I am tired from going to grad school while working and running a shiatsu practice, you know, having a real life in which I do things other than cheering.
I will speak to people who live elsewhere and follow baseball. They will assume I am thrilled, or desperately sad, depending on how the Sox are faring. I will try to be polite. It will be a strain.
From Boston right through the 495 belt, everyone will go stark raving mad. In the epicenter, The Hub itself, cars may be turned over. Once a girl was shot in the face. Riots? Riots, people??
Worst of all, my husband's office is in Kenmore Square. Kenmore Square, I now explain for those fortunate enough to be uninitiated, is the home of Fenway Park. Fenway Park is--you got it!--home of the Sox. This means traffic, no parking, mooing out-of-towners shuffling along in herds, taking up the sidewalk, unable to decode the subway. My husband's commute quadrupled, all the lunch spots near his office overrun.
Pray for us.
Hopium
2 weeks ago
3 comments:
If it makes you feel any better, I don't like baseball, either. Or football. Or hockey. Or any sport, really.
I think you should declare, loudly and whenever possible, that "Baseball is stupid!" whenever someone at your workplace starts talking about it. That's what I do when people start complaining about how cold it is in the office: "What are you talking about? It's so comfortable in here!"
I like to play sports. Not so much watch them. I have not always felt this way, but these days I can't think of any human activity that has less meaning and generates more heat than professional sports. And the World Series? An excellent event, FOR ME TO POOP ON!!
Ann: I am alone! Thank you!
Larry: Yes, playing and watching sports are entirely different pursuits...FOR ME TO POOP ON! Hahahaha, it just ever gets old!
...But seriously, I agree that playing sports has more value (including FUN and FITNESS) than watching.
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